Is Penpal‐gate That Dead?

I can't help but notice the consistent, obvious abuse of multiple accounts on this site. It would be better overall for transparency and future growth if attention‐deprived individuals did not have access to them, or at the very least are required to have a fixed set of stats, including age (or no age at all), and be sure the actions of all of them have consequence to the individual.

Another thing I understand is funding+traffic. The issue with allowing inappropriate behavior in public forums "because they pay" or "because they're active" is that, long‐term, you lose the majority of future prospects (and sorry for the roast, but, coming from someone in business: thousands of views with less than 100 actual participants ‐ including multiple accounts ‐ tells a story on its own). If you want your penpal site to thrive for years to come, you need to create a space that encourages intellectual discussion, not brainrot. Again, not trying to be a karen, or to attack any moderators' hidden accounts. Just put some basic guidelines in place for public forum users.

1. If you are going to allow children under 18 in public forums, restrictions on language and inappropriate behavior must be incorporated (I do not have the app, so I have zero clue as to what applies there, but I have doubts the app store will attract many genuine penpal seekers with that reputation).

2. If you are NOT allowing children under 18 in CERTAIN forums (I heard somewhere this might be the case), then we should not be seeing children where inappropriate behavior is present, or vice versa.

3. In the meantime, if someone knows a way to block brainrot forums, let me know (I keep accidentally clicking on the latest🤣).

Tʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs ᴘᴜʙʟɪᴄ sᴇʀᴠɪᴄᴇ ᴀɴɴᴏᴜɴᴄᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ. Пока.

Hiii @Follower-of-Christ!!! I just wanted to say that if u maybe think that my forums are also brainrot and if others also think that then im sorryy and i will try not to bother everybody too much. 🙄😬😬 I know that sometimes my forums are not always serious but i try to make them nice but if people dont like it or think it is only brainrot then i apologize. 🙏🙏 Still i want to really thank u for writing in some of the forums i made and i really like always what u write and that u take the time for it!!!!

Don't apologize Yue.

Sorry, but you do sound like a Karen. Pray tell, what is "intellectual discussion" from your standpoint? Something you approve of? Something that you agree with?

I see things everyday that annoy me or make me mad, I just learned the beautiful art of tuning things out and ignoring it. Life got so much better after I just let stupid crap go that I can't control. People are going to be people, after all.

Forums are a place for people to unwind, speak frankly and have a little fun. If it the humor or discussion upsets you, ok. You don't have to like it. If something extremely wrong is going on, like me sending inappropriate mesaages to someone's Yue's age (sorry Yue, you happen post here so I use you as an example) then report it. But I don't do that and I know that the people you back handedly referring to don't do it either.

But hey, wtf do I know? You're the new sheriff in town, so you rock that and see where it gets you.

TLDR: Don't click on forums with titles you might find distasteful.

Hiii @Follower-of-Christ!!! I just wanted to say that if u maybe think that my forums are also brainrot and if others also think that then im sorryy and i will try not to bother everybody too much. 🙄😬😬

No worries, @Yue_! I wasn't referring to you (you should know that by now), love your topics! I'm specifically talking about gross and inappropriate stuff said by adults in public forums in front of other accounts that claim to be little children.

@Based_Aura ‐ this is just my opinion and suggestion, you don't have to listen if it upsets ya. Kiddoes need to be protected from the nasties and pervy stuff. Yeah, it might look like censorship, but it's either let the kids on and moderate, or no kids and chaos. I'm perfectly alright with rambles and friendly banter, but when it gets inappropriate and I see the influence it has on alleged kids people with 14‐15yo in their bio, it's quite disturbing💀

Do you think the persons in the forums in question would be allowed to say those things in front of children in real life? Or would you agree that blatant racism and vulgar sexual innuendo (OUTSIDE the lockeroom) is "having a little fun"? Sometimes I wonder if people realize how silly they sound (not you, per say, just the insane stuff I ran into while looking forward to reading new song suggestions).

Good. Doesn't upset me and I'm not listening.

Be me. Be the 80s. Be all those moral majority f-tards who were constantly telling me that a book was being banned or an artist was being censored to protect lil old me. Wow. I was so touched! Thank you for "protecting me."

I guarantee you that Instagram, and TikTok have a lot worse and more harmful content. Alleged kids? Then what's the issue here? If they aren't real kids, then no one is being "harmed." Teenagers are a lot smarter than we take them for. They can make their decisions on what they find offensive and it appears that some in forum already have.

Silly? Of course! That's the point. In SA, like England, it's called taking the p*ss. Those easily offended usually take it too seriously and then we crank it up past 11. Shock the squares.

I didn't see any sexual innuendo btw.

Be me. Be the 80s. Be all those moral majority f-tards who were constantly telling me that a book was being banned or an artist was being censored to protect lil old me. Wow. I was so touched! Thank you for "protecting me."

Yeah, I suppose I shouldn't play momma for degen purportedly 14 and 15 year olds that their parents unknowingly gave a blackhole into the world of mentally unstable online to.

Teenagers are a lot smarter than we take them for. They can make their decisions on what they find offensive and it appears that some in forum already have.

Not if they were chronically online from birth😂 I wish I didn't know the statistics on the massive spike in depression, unaliving, and mental issues connected to unmoderated internet use, but I do. The sad truth is, undeveloped brains are more more easily fooled and many of them think the memes and brainrot jokes are real life. They get into perverted stuff, drugs (not coffee) and vices of every kind imaginable. GenZ is 80 percent more anxious and nearly 90 percent more depression‐prone.

So forgive me if I can't quite revel in the simple rickroll days and the raging AIDs crisis of the 80s kekek

Silly? Of course! That's the point. In SA, like England, it's called taking the p*ss. Those easily offended usually take it too seriously and then we crank it up past 11. Shock the squares.

I didn't see any sexual innuendo btw.

I like the wholesome kind of silly, like galloping coconuts, or "your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"

Oh good, someone fixed it, then

I can't help but notice the consistent, obvious abuse of multiple accounts on this site. It would be better overall for transparency and future growth if attention‐deprived individuals did not have access to them, or at the very least are required to have a fixed set of stats, including age (or no age at all), and be sure the actions of all of them have consequence to the individual.

Another thing I understand is funding+traffic. The issue with allowing inappropriate behavior in public forums "because they pay" or "because they're active" is that, long‐term, you lose the majority of future prospects (and sorry for the roast, but, coming from someone in business: thousands of views with less than 100 actual participants ‐ including multiple accounts ‐ tells a story on its own). If you want your penpal site to thrive for years to come, you need to create a space that encourages intellectual discussion, not brainrot. Again, not trying to be a karen, or to attack any moderators' hidden accounts. Just put some basic guidelines in place for public forum users.

Social networks with 0 abuse whatsoever are unfortunately impossible. "Paid" or "active" users do not get a free pass, everyone is subject to the same rules. I'm not sure what made you say this.

1. If you are going to allow children under 18 in public forums, restrictions on language and inappropriate behavior must be incorporated (I do not have the app, so I have zero clue as to what applies there, but I have doubts the app store will attract many genuine penpal seekers with that reputation).

I appreciate you making suggestions. However there are major problems with language restrictions:
- we can't handle every language
- people will always find creative ways to bypass word filters
- heavily censored communities tend to be the most boring and uninteresting (no social networks have swear restrictions in place)
- PPG is not open to children, you need to at least be a teenager, which filters out the most vulnerable users

2. If you are NOT allowing children under 18 in CERTAIN forums (I heard somewhere this might be the case), then we should not be seeing children where inappropriate behavior is present, or vice versa.

All forums are open to everyone, age doesn't make you a second class citizen (it only affects default privacy settings). Instead of hiding content from minors, it's best to address inappropriate messages regardless of what age readers might be.

3. In the meantime, if someone knows a way to block brainrot forums, let me know (I keep accidentally clicking on the latest🤣).

This is why there are forum categories, but I do agree that they have been virtually useless. Relatively few people care about the forum to begin with so putting new rules in place that will divide engagement even further may not be the best option to increase activity. I understand that what you consider "poor content" can drive people away, I don't have a good answer. To be honest PPG is mostly about private messaging and member search, the forum is basically a minor feature even though it happens to be the one public feature of the site.

Yeah, I suppose I shouldn't play momma for degen purportedly 14 and 15 year olds that their parents unknowingly gave a blackhole into the world of mentally unstable online to.

Ahhh yes. Damn those parents who give their kids just a tiny bit freedom to make their own decisions. The whole world on and offline is mental. It's been that way for a long time.

Not if they were chronically online from birth😂 I wish I didn't know the statistics on the massive spike in depression, unaliving, and mental issues connected to unmoderated internet use, but I do. The sad truth is, undeveloped brains are more more easily fooled and many of them think the memes and brainrot jokes are real life. They get into perverted stuff, drugs (not coffee) and vices of every kind imaginable. GenZ is 80 percent more anxious and nearly 90 percent more depression‐prone.

So forgive me if I can't quite revel in the simple rickroll days and the raging AIDs crisis of the 80s kekek

1) suicide.. say it with me. Offing yourself, eating your gun.

Yup. That's what the 80s were all about. AIDS. Surprised I made it through.

So, using your logic, I should be

1) a raging chainsaw murderer

2) a serial r_pist

3) a drug addled, devil worshiping cultist .. damn D&D and Venom albums....

None of the above! How is what we see in the digital world any different than what i saw at 14 or 15 in the analog? Somehow, I could make the connection that the... questionable material... we swiped from dad's sock drawer wasn't quite real world intimacy or Jason cleaving someone in half with a chainsaw probably wasnt the best way to handle annoyances.

Anxiety levels in millennials, GenZ ans GenA are the way they are because helicopter parenting did it's ever loving best to make sure that they shielded their offspring from all the dangers, uncertainties and stressors in life. Mix in the "You're unique and special!" Component and we have mix more toxic than ammonia and bleach. I learned early the world was an ugly place, that people sucked, and that if you didn't take a stand, you'd end up steamrolled. Did I get scars and trauma? Sure. But hey, everyone has to take a beating at some point in their lives.

In fact. Anyone here -18, and is reading this...please tell me. Do you believe that Skibbidi is waiting around the u-bend in your toilet? Or that GTA 5 is akin the 10 commandments? Throw it at me.

I like the wholesome kind of silly, like galloping coconuts, or "your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"

Oh good, someone fixed it, then

Holy Handgrenade was classic. And how i wish this brave knight (me) would find his castle of zoots ....

DISCLAIMER: I am and have been extremely ill these past couple of days, so if I come off more blunt than usual‐ no, I am not smoking!

The whole world on and offline is mental. It's been that way for a long time.

I think it's rather difficult to ignore the world "waxing worse and worse", as the Bible puts it. You'd have to be in an airtight bubble to think things are the same now as thew were back then!

1) suicide.. say it with me. Offing yourself, eating your gun.

Suicide, offing yourself, eating your gun. Freedom, yippee

So, using your logic, I should be

1) a raging chainsaw murderer

2) a serial r_pist

3) a drug addled, devil worshiping cultist .. damn D&D and Venom albums....

Don't know where that logic came from, but it ain't mine🤣

None of the above! How is what we see in the digital world any different than what i saw at 14 or 15 in the analog? Somehow, I could make the connection that the... questionable material... we swiped from dad's sock drawer wasn't quite real world intimacy or Jason cleaving someone in half with a chainsaw probably wasnt the best way to handle annoyances.

The difference is, you didn't get affirmed for being a loopy weasel (sorry weasels) back then! Nowadays, there's an innernet cult meeting of 1000+ bots ready to nod at every warped thought imaginable. If you found VHS tapes, those were so blurry and discernibly distant from reality that it would quite surprising if you thought it real. I could get into the psychological in why fantasies that interact and manipulate the subject are far more likely to turn you into a loser, but I digress—

Anxiety levels in millennials, GenZ ans GenA are the way they are because helicopter parenting did it's ever loving best to make sure that they shielded their offspring from all the dangers, uncertainties and stressors in life. Mix in the "You're unique and special!" Component and we have mix more toxic than ammonia and bleach. I learned early the world was an ugly place, that people sucked, and that if you didn't take a stand, you'd end up steamrolled. Did I get scars and trauma? Sure. But hey, everyone has to take a beating at some point in their lives.

I can't even poke fun atcha for that😊 good on you for overcoming the world with a couple braincells. Always nice seeing someone with a thick skin and not a thick skull❤

But I'll add one thing: when parents stop raising their children, the world takes their place.

Holy Handgrenade was classic. And how i wish this brave knight (me) would find his castle of zoots ....

So close to becoming my favorite movie! But Ni!

Etienne, she is right, it's very uncomfortable to read when adults reffer to minors as friends (not adressing anybody here specifically, just speaking generally). The fact that the idea is to mostly have private messages made me even more stressed about this issue. Teenagers aren't children that's true but they are still minors and unable to think maturely at a full extent. Examples are driving license, voting, tobacco, alcohol, justice system and starting a business - only adults can do it.

Like I have already said few times, I thibk you are doing relatively good job here, but there is always room for improvement. What is more important to you, to raise traffic or to protect teenagers?

To be honest PPG is mostly about private messaging and member search, the forum is basically a minor feature even though it happens to be the one public feature of the site.

For what it's worth, I'm genuinely impressed with this site - especially when it's largely only run by you. Reminds me more of an earlier internet with less bells and whistles around.

But to the general topic: a dead forum or coming across inappropriate content is just how the internet goes - life in general too, the larger things get the more they'll be fake and shallow. People have a tremendous tendency to show interest in you/a discussion initially then drop off the face of the earth the next. For such a niche site I assume there's not even too many bots and people simply lurk around.

Should there be some safeguards at least? Sure. Should kids be online anyway? No, but I'm not their father.

Etienne, she is right, it's very uncomfortable to read when adults reffer to minors as friends (not adressing anybody here specifically, just speaking generally). The fact that the idea is to mostly have private messages made me even more stressed about this issue. Teenagers aren't children that's true but they are still minors and unable to think maturely at a full extent. Examples are driving license, voting, tobacco, alcohol, justice system and starting a business - only adults can do it.

Like I have already said few times, I thibk you are doing relatively good job here, but there is always room for improvement. What is more important to you, to raise traffic or to protect teenagers?

I agree with your premise, this is why adults can't contact minors by default. I'd like to get down to specifics so we're on the same page: what problems have you witnessed and what improvements do suggest to address them? Any examples you've seen on other platforms perhaps? Everyone in this thread is welcome to answer.

I completely agree with your opinion; that is why my 15-year-old daughter is not allowed on Penpals, why she has to hand over her phone at 9:30 PM, and why I regularly check if her older brother checks her friends on her social media. She says she is the only mother who does this, but I am damn proud of it. When I hear that some of her classmates are still online at 3 AM, I wonder who they are still talking to at that hour. I am very happy with this Penpal; I feel safe here, and there are many settings that the young people can click on. I am proud of @Etienne; he is always there if anything is wrong.

I agree with your premise, this is why adults can't contact minors by default. I'd like to get down to specifics so we're on the same page: what problems have you witnessed and what improvements do suggest to address them? Any examples you've seen on other platforms perhaps? Everyone in this thread is welcome to answer.

For other similar pages I don't know since I only joined here and InterPals five months ago for foreign language conversations, before that I've never used penpal sites. The main problem is that actually adults can contact minors here, I have successfully done it few times. The other potential problem I have already described in my previous comment - whenever I see an adult speak to minor overly friendly my alarm turns on. Maybe I am overreacting but you and all others know that teenagers today tend to dress and behave like adults due to social media (Fleurke, I think you do an excellent job here with your daughter) on a larger scale when I was at that age and especially when you and most other people from this forum were at that age. They also sometimes think about sex all the time (at least boys, for girls I don't know), just like perverts who are chronologically adults but their minds are still on high school level so it's not that hard to convince them to do it. I understand you are only one who manage this site and it's hard to control everything, especially when you actually read and think about what people say. If I may suggest something, I would suggest you to become a bit stereotypical when reviewing profiles. We all know that certain groups of immigrants who are present in your country in a large group and who worship illiterate paedophile have no problems with paedophilia as well as some other Germanic countries in Europe. I would pay extra attention to accounts from these groups and countries for the start. Before you all attack me, of course I agree there can be paedophiles everywhere, I am just stating the fact that their actions are less criminalized in certain societies which gives them more courage to act upon their sick intentions. For other suggestions, I really don't know what to say, you have better understanding of softwares and algorythms and you are older than me so your crystalized intelligence is more developed than mine. You know better than me what to do to protect minors.

I agree with your premise, this is why adults can't contact minors by default. I'd like to get down to specifics so we're on the same page: what problems have you witnessed and what improvements do suggest to address them? Any examples you've seen on other platforms perhaps? Everyone in this thread is welcome to answer.

Etienne, I think you're doing fine, and I think you've done just about the best you can under the circumstances.

I saw way, way worse on Interpals and often nothing was done about it. Plus, I was a teacher at one point, teaching and tutoring English as a second language, so I think I got accustomed to interacting with teens more than the average adult. It was learning process for sure, strict interaction boundaries were one of the. No one told me I had to, I did it because some kids were driving me nuts with constant contact outside of school related things.

Is the internet a minefield, for sure, but at least most of us have good intentions.

Thank you, @Etienne. Your openness to feedback and concern is appreciated. And I'm grateful we're all on the same page when it comes to protecting minors.

These were my thoughts in a nutshell:

1. Fix the age and put up a warning that it cannot be undone or changed thenceforth. I found it extremely odd when I realized could change it as I pleased (what is the point?).

2. Community guidelines *since the forums are a feature and not the main function (keep it simple‐respectful, no swearing, inappropriate talk in public spaces where minors are present), and make the individual reporting of someone's comments, rather than just the user possible, so that one can review, timeout or ban that person once they reach a certain threshold after multiple warnings.

3. Then (because it's easy to feel bad for peeps who want to be openly racist and meme), create a single space where adults can hang out and shoot the breeze, while keeping it effectively blocked from minors' view (though it's a wonder why they can't just do that privately).

Something to that effect (besides the mini adult wildlands) is what I have seen successfully incorporated into many clean, user‐friendly spaces. Decent places to take inspiration from are question/answer sites and old web forum games ‐ they did a great job of allowing freedom of expression while also maintaining a respectful public environment.

Again, BIG thank you to the maker of this site. I hope that all the tweaks, tests, improvements and effort towards making this a better place for Penpals will continue to be blessed and rewarded😊

I don't really agree with you @Follower-of-Christ

I really dont know if i should react or not but i wanted only to say a few things because it also feels like with social media bans that people decide it and that we cant really say anything about it or that people think it is not important anyway what we think about it. That is why also it can make u feel really unsure if people say minor because it feels like you are less important and not equal because you are minor and not equal. And i know some others also feel the same way of my friends because i asked it and some also agree that it makes u feel less important than others. And i know that maybe people dont mean it that way but still often i think that they think more about what other adults say and are only polite if they listen to u.

I changed the setting so i can chat with everybody because i think maybe half of my friends are adults and other half not and it is maybe because of forums because i write a lot and i know maybe too much. But i think that is not wrong because for example if i want to talk to @mayuuram or @Fleurke it is not possible if it is with the normal setting. And from all the chatting only few times it was wrong like racist and one time that something bad happened really but i reported it and that person was banned because he did that also with others i know. And only two times people called me names and the last time it was not somebody much older but 18 so that is not VERY big difference with age and it can always happen that people act in that way so i just ignore them.

But now it feels like it is also wrong if you chat in only a nice way with others even if it is only friendly and nice. And i wanted to say to @Korisnik that i NEVER chatted about sex with anybody and it is not in my head and i wanted to say that because it would be super embarrassing if maybe people think that and i really dont want that. I know that u say it to protect but i feel super embarrassed if that is what everybody else also thinks because that is not the case.

And i think that what @Follower-of-Christ said of the three points that it is maybe a good solution if everybody thinks that too. But i would not want to loose like HALF of my friends on PPG if we cant chat anymore about normal and just nice things. But i also think only the age should change if u have birthday and we have a birthday calendar!!!! So everybody can see it. 🙂 And i think it is normal if adults want to have separate forums that is good and i dont need to look in that because that is for them so i have not a problem with that at all.

Sorry if i say things in the wrong way or that i should not post what i think. But i feel like it is also important to say what we feel and think even if people think it is maybe not or less important and that they decide it.