Helloooo everybody!! πββοΈ I really wanted to make this forum before the vacation next week and read what others think abt the topic. ππ Thank u very much everybody who wants to answer these questions or just write and post what u want and think. ππβ€οΈπ₯°
Questions:
1οΈβ£ If u had a first love: how was it to have a first relationship?
Big difference between first relationship and first love. I can't remember the name of the "girlfriend" I had because I was 6th grade and that "relationship" lasted maybe a month.
Also.. Lust and physical attraction are very different from that warm and of the real love feels. There were girls i thought I loved, though looking back now, I was more in lust than in love with them..
That said. My first REAL love began when I was 20. Like most relationships, it was a casual start that increased in intensity as time went on.
2οΈβ£ Do you still have contact with that person? And if yes: do u still speak often?
She died 13 years ago. So, no. But we did reconnect in the years before she passed.
3οΈβ£ Who asked the other and what happened? Like did u go on a date first maybe or maybe hang or eat ice cream or go to the cinema?
No one"asked." We "hooked up" when I moved to NYC. A bit of background is in order, I think... she was from Baltimore and I was from DC. The two cities are fairly close in distance, and so people from the Baltimore scene would often travel to DC to catch shows and vice versa, so we ran in the same circle and were kinda friends. She went to NYC a couple months before me. When I arrived in the city, I had no place to stay, so I squatted with her and her friends while I looked for a place, and that's how our friendship grew into something more.
4οΈβ£ How did u know that the person was having a crush on u?
It was clear there was some chemistry when we first met at a show in Baltimore.. but I was dating someone else at the time. Hard to say who "crushed" first. Probably me...
5οΈβ£ How do u know that it is not only a crush that u had but that u had much bigger feelings? Im really curious what ppl think abt this!
Well... I eventually got a place in Brooklyn. One of the guys from The Krays, needed a roommate. I had a job by that point, so I moved out of the squat. At first, we were strictly FWB, but over the next couple months we started spending more and more time together until it was obvious that exclusivity was necessary.
6οΈβ£ Did u regret your first relationship or would you do that again if you could choose?
Sigh. Yes and no.
You never forget your first real love, and for some us, that intensity, that fraughtness becomes the watermark you base all subsequent relationships on. That is a regret i carry. Still, I would absolutely do it again. She was a rush..
7οΈβ£ Do u still have things from ur first relationship like maybe a gift or photos or things like cinema ticket or smt else like sweet notes?
I would pay her way into shows (the crusty, squatter punk crowd was always short of cash). I'd buy her t-shirts. When her boots wore out, I bought her new ones. Mostly, I wrote songs about her, or when I had the band, would dedicate songs to her.. to the point where my bandmates asked me to stop.
For her part... she would ALWAYs come to our band's shows. I would make sure she and other girls she hung out with were on the guest list. She would come to my place and blockbuster and chill, etc.
When you're in a band and you're just starting out, it isn't easy. Back then, there was no bandcamp or YouTube that you could put your music on and attract an audience. You had to play out, usually supporting other bands. In those early months, we were usually the first band on, which meant we played to maybe 10 people at times (most people would sit outside during our set or just show up later for other bands). Her support in those early days was crucial. She helped generate buzz, and her enthusiasm kept our morale up.
8οΈβ£ Did u kiss with ur first love and talk also abt ur feelings with that person of each other? Was it difficult to talk or were u not nervous but just super relaxed?
Uhhh yaaa? There was kissing somewhere in that first night together. Alcohol clouds the memories of that night, but it wasn't like sat up until morning telling each other all our most intimate thoughts. That, like it should, came over time. I do recall being shy when I first met her... always shy around girls... but by the time we hooked up, I was fairly comfortable being around her.
9οΈβ£ How long did ur first relationship last?
Ohhh geez. A year and half? I tried to keep it going in the month after she OD'd .. but at 21 you just arent equipped, emotionally, to care for someone with fairly severe neurological damage.
π Are there things u do now very differently than with ur first love?
I learned...that I'm too stubborn to learn when it comes to her type.
What I would do differently? Nothing. Hindsight is always 20/20. And the trauma was something i was able to learn from, and the great times I always cherish.
β‘οΈ Do you maybe have a nice tip or smt else to say or a question that i must add to the list?
Sigh. Hang on tightly.. let go lightly. Remember that you can love someone but at the same time, not be in a relationship with them.
Have boundaries. Don't draw a line in the sand, etch it in concrete. Tough love. When her drug use became a big problem, I should have kicked her to the curb, but I was young and thought I could love her out of addiction. The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care.. remember that? ..right.. yeah. I knew she loved me enough that had I stuck to my guns and sent her packing, she would have eventually stopped and gotten help... but I always took her back and played her enabler.
Also, when things go south, there will be bitterness, and that's ok, but don't hold on to that bitterness for too long. It eats away at you like a cancer. Forgive, but only when you are truly ready to do that. That's the biggest regret, I never truly forgave her until she was gone, and by that time, it was too late.
I am really curious what ppl say and think and hope that ppl answer even if u did NOTTT have a first relationship just what u think abt some of the things above or if u had like a LOTTTT of relationships. Thank u very much for posting what u think and i really want to read every post. ππβπΈ
β£οΈ Hugggsss and thanks from Yue β£οΈ
