1️⃣ If u had a first love: how was it to have a first relationship?
I was all in back at the time, but I was young and stupid and didn't realise what all was wrong. I was heartbroken when I got dumped, but looking back on it, it was a good thing it did end. Probably should have never started in the first place.
2️⃣ Do you still have contact with that person? And if yes: do u still speak often?
No, haven't seen or heard since.
3️⃣ Who asked the other and what happened? Like did u go on a date first maybe or maybe hang or eat ice cream or go to the cinema?
We went to the same high school together and were friends before. It was a sort of a slippery slope from being just friends to being a couple.
4️⃣ How did u know that the person was having a crush on u?
I can't recall specifics, but it was eventually talked out.
5️⃣ How do u know that it is not only a crush that u had but that u had much bigger feelings? Im really curious what ppl think abt this!
My first relationship was such a mess I'm not sure it was every more than a crush. I was more serious about being together, but the relationship was so brief it never had the chance to turn into deeper feelings. According to brain chemistry, every relationship that lasts less than 3 years is just a crush and I tend to agree. Deeper feelings only come with time.
6️⃣ Did u regret your first relationship or would you do that again if you could choose?
If I could choose again, I don't think I would get into it second time.
7️⃣ Do u still have things from ur first relationship like maybe a gift or photos or things like cinema ticket or smt else like sweet notes?
A few small bits and bobs somewhere. It was a relationship anyways and even if it wasn't such a good one, there were good moments. Plus, I learned a lot about myself and about relationships because of that.
8️⃣ Did u kiss with ur first love and talk also abt ur feelings with that person of each other? Was it difficult to talk or were u not nervous but just super relaxed?
Back in the day it was really hard for me to talk about just about anything, I had so much trauma package, but we tried. I was nervous all the time. There was kissing and more.
9️⃣ How long did ur first relationship last?
around two years, we lived together for a bit too in rented student housing.
🔟 Are there things u do now very differently than with ur first love?
A lot of things. More communication, more planning. But also taking care that I also keep my own limits and don't agree to do things that harm me on some foolhardy notion that one is supposed to, if one loves someone. A bad lesson I learned from home, sadly, and it took some time to unlearn that.
➡️ Do you maybe have a nice tip or smt else to say or a question that i must add to the list?
Don't rush with love. The first infatuation phase can be magical, it can feel absolutely bewitching and like your feet don't ever touch the ground. Enjoy that magic, but don't tie yourself down during that phase. If you want to live together, make sure there's an easy exit, a way to just pack up and go, if things don't work out. No communal property, at least not the kind you can't afford to lose. No legal bonds that are costly to dissolve like marriage and absolutely no kids, because those will tie you together for decades, even if it turns out your partner was just playing you. Just getting to know each other, in bad days and in good days, particularly the bad days. To see if your companion is capable of communication, willing to work on their shortcomings (everyone has those). Also be willing to work on your own shortcomings to become better. The infatuation/crush phase lasts up to 5 years, wait until that's over until you start to build a future together. You'll know it's over when the other person starts to really annoy you :-D If you still want to stay together, despite the annoyances, then you might have something.
Watching out for red flags obviously.
But also, make yourself relationship-ready. Learn to talk about anything. If you blush at the mention of talking about what kind of sex you like, you are not ready for a relationship. If you can't talk about your most painful childhood memory and how it has made certain things hard for you in life, you are not ready for a relationship. If you can't see when another person is in pain and put your own aside for that moment to comfort them, you are not ready for a relationship. If you can't show your own pain and don't know how to receive comfort, you aren't really ready either, but depending on your level of difficulty, this might be possible to work on during a relationship. In any case, you will need to work on it, to make your relationship work. If you can't understand that in a relationship, you will carry not only your own problems but also those of your partner, you are not ready for a relationship. Work on yourself first, because if you don't have relationship skills, you will never have a good relationship, not even with the perfect partner.