I understand your perspective completely, but ultimately, relationships depend on the couple itself, not on external judgments or generalized theories. Just because someone perceives another as "ordinary" does not mean that person is only entitled to something "ordinary." That logic is inherently flawed. Similarly, labeling someone's desire to date an attractive partner as "delusional" ignores the complexity of human connection and compatibility. and i have some explanation point of why young people nowadays prefer to stay in their standard/type:
1. Relationships are Built on Compatibility, Not Public Perception
In reality, relationships are not as simple as rigid classifications of "deserving" or "not deserving." The foundation of a successful relationship is compatibility of each standards that have given, which is unique to each couple. No external opinion can dictate whether two people are meant for each other. Even if outsiders perceive a couple as mismatched, their compatibility is what truly matters.
I didn't talk about public perception. A relationship is an exchange, a
trade. For a man, it's most often translated in resources, which can be
physical, monetary, psychological, intellectual that he can offer to a woman. If you are a man with no resource, then wanting a
blond, blue eyed, rich, smart,funny, 20 years old, who likes videogames, who is attentionate... woman. Then you are delusional. Same if you want 50 women through your life in these conditions. There might be one case out of several thousands for which
it works, it's not enough to contradict the general tendency, and less
to contradict an evolutionary basis of sex roles.
2. The Decline of Outdated Stereotypes
As society evolves, so do relationship dynamics. The stereotypes that dictated how men and women should act in relationships are rapidly breaking down. This shift is even more prominent among individuals from broken homes, fatherless backgrounds, or neglectful families. Unlike previous generations, they have witnessed firsthand the consequences of unhealthy relationships and are determined not to repeat those mistakes.
I would be careful with that statement. It might be different depending on socio-cultural context. In Europe, the traditional mononuclear family has been destroyed and leads to more broken homes, fatherless backgrounds and neglectful families. I am not sure that you can claim that not repeating past mistake is a thing here or that what is replacing it is better.
In Europe specifically, what is being replaced is the Christian conception of couple : monogamy and family stability over, and you are right to point it out, sometimes not so happy individuals. Basically, this leads to the mononuclear family, which typically leads to broken homes and fatherless backgrounds that are on the rise in the West.
What I witness too is that the more the Christian view of couple is broken down, the more the rules that apply to relationships fits the evolutionary defined sex roles, with females becoming more choosy, and a few males to get better mating success whereas a majority don't experience fatherhood.
3. Broken Home Individuals are More Selective
For those who grew up without a stable parental figure, relationships are not just about attraction—they are about avoiding past traumas. Research suggests that children from broken homes tend to be more cautious and selective in romantic relationships, prioritizing emotional stability and mutual respect over fleeting attraction. The wounds caused by absent or neglectful parents run deep, making them unwilling to settle for anything that could lead to the same emotional pain.
The same studies show that children from divorced parents are not willing to enter serious relationships. There are also differences between men and women, with women becoming typically extremely choosy and men lacking of commitment, jumping from a partner to partner.
I think you can even see to what extremes it can leads with the rise of dating apps and the different use men and women have of it.
4. The Rise of Standards: A Necessary Filter, Not Delusion
With the vast amount of information available today, young people are more educated and self-aware about what makes a relationship last. As a result, they create standards not out of arrogance but as a practical filtering mechanism. Listing preferences in bios or first conversations is not about unrealistic expectations—it is about efficiency. Research on modern dating behaviors supports this, highlighting that individuals with clear relationship criteria experience less emotional burnout and make more satisfying long-term commitments.
That should again be regarded within a socio-cultural context. That being said, it's true that people have better access to information, but that is not resulting in better education. Having a lot of informations doesn't mean it's a good information or that you have learnt to deal with conflicts, long term bonds, commitment... It eventually makes people more choosy, but again, is it a pragmatical approach, or just a coping mechanism that is detrimental? and more importantly, isn't it going out of hand?
Reading you, it seems that both having "education" and having divorced parents make individuals super good at building sane relationship. However, children from broken family = more divorces, mentaly less stable than children from mononuclear families, and the younger generation struggle more and more with relationships in the West. There is clearly something off here if being selective and not repeating mistake is so nice.
I think something should be clarified at this point though: Pointing out unrealistic expectations doesn't mean having 0 base values/standards. Just that ticking all the case of a long list, especially when you don't bring as much on the table is digging your own grave.
5. Effort Should be Invested in Certainty, Not Uncertainty
Young people today value their time, energy, and mental well-being. They recognize that blindly investing in something uncertain without clear compatibility is a waste of resources. Instead, many now prefer to reserve deep emotional and financial commitment for relationships that have already proven mutual investment. This mindset is not about entitlement but about making informed, rational decisions in a world where failed relationships can have long-lasting consequences.
Yet the mental well being and energy has never been lower than in younger generations. Valueing your potential relationship and expecting a near perfect partner is very different, and that is what I pointed out first. Sadly, one of the main problem from the few last decades is that people want more and more a perfect partner, but desire less and less to make compromise (both millenials like gen Z are incredible at that).
I don't think the part of preserving resource and preferences applies to every culture or is the same between genders either. For instance, younger men in the West seem, on the contrary, experiencing greater pain than before and there is even an internet phenomenon about it, which shows how little selective they become out of despair, just trying to have a partner.
Conclusion
The modern dating landscape is no longer dictated by outdated gender roles or rigid expectations. Selectivity is not entitlement—it is wisdom. Compatibility is subjective, and external opinions hold no weight in determining the success of a relationship. As people become more informed and emotionally aware, they reject impulsive decisions and prioritize long-term stability. The shift is not about unrealistic dreaming—it is about understanding what truly leads to lasting, fulfilling relationships.
How can you say that the dating landscape is no longer by rigid expectations when you support the said extreme expectations under the label of standards? On the contrary, they become more and more rigids with sometimes stereotyped and evolutionary based expectations (the exemple of man's height being both extreme and hilarious). Selectivity is wisdom, yes, but extreme selectivity seems to be rather madness, and what I point out when someone has a list of expectations to tick before finding anyone is precisely extreme-selectivity. The thing here is to make a difference between having a base value and dreaming. Like I said, a relationship is pretty much a trade between 2 individuals. If one can't bring as much as what one asks, then the selectivity is too high.
I am not sure either that you can claim that all of this leads to healthier and happier/more meaningful relationship where, in the West, half of the mariages end up into divorces and where promiscuity as well as pain in dating has never been so great, with men being desperate to the point to have no standard anymore, and both men and women being desperate not to find any men who suits all their expectations, and now experiencing something coined as "dating fatigue". Are you really sure, especially when people are "emotionally burnt out looking for the one" is not the result of extreme and unsane selectivity?
