What do you think of marriage? Arki ja tavat

Are you married or are you going to be married?
To me, it's a terrifying path of life. I'm not influenced by current thoughts prevalent in social media. It's childhood experience that has shaped my mind. Anyway I decided that I would not get married long time ago. But my Mom cannot accept it. Every now and then she gets bad-tempered in worrying my future. I feel stressed out and sometimes think maybe I fake getting married to let her calm down.

For sure it's wrong to marry just to meet someone's expectations. It's also not said that marriage is neccesary to have happy life with another person.

But also I think that Your past experience (I suppose it's something like... You know some marriage that ended in divorce?) shouldnt make You thinking that it's some factor that leads to unhappines. After all it's You and Your lover, marriage isn't so big change of how life will look like, if with it or without it You both wants have future together.

Personally I want to be married when I finally meet my second half.

Maybe just tell Your mom eventually that You are just still not sure or something, but You consider it as option...

complete bullshit. it's not interesting there

But also I think that Your past experience (I suppose it's something like... You know some marriage that ended in divorce?)

what's worse than divorce is staying married out of fear with someone who is of narcissistic traits.

Well, but again. It's not because of marriage itself, but rather personality and choices, right?

Anyway. Like I said, staying happy with someone is the most important, marriage is good way to seal it, if we want. And if we need any law "bonuses" eventually.

I don't know Your mother and culture, so I have no idea how it is, trying to convince someone that You just don't want it.

Of course even here some people are... Hmm... Hermetic conservative, in unhealthy way.

But maybe there, it's element of some culture? Strong societal expectation?

Well, but again. It's not because of marriage itself, but rather personality and choices, right?
Anyway. Like I said, staying happy with someone is the most important, marriage is good way to seal it, if we want. And if we need any law "bonuses" eventually.
But maybe there, it's element of some culture? Strong societal expectation?

what you said is right. but love and happiness in some situations could be completely detatched from marriage. some people get married to insure life guarantee, like shelter, children (preparation for aged time, maybe it's only old traditional Chinese thought, which is criticized widely by new generation). i didn't perceive too much love growing up. honestly, the first 20 years of my life was passed in self-hatredness. now i hate those who made me hate myself. the logic behind is marriage for guarantee, just because I'm a girl i was not deemed as a real family member, boys are, but only for the sake that one day they could be counted on. my mom's worry originates from old thought, which i should resist against.

Well, but You fortunately know what You want, and Your way of thinking seems healthy for me. So yes, for sure not marriage if it's against Your will.

West is of course spoiled, like whole world and blabla, but one of good things is surely bigger independency in taking decisions in our young lifes.

Especially when You more or less know what would You like to have in life, and what You wouldnt like.

I don't care about marriage, but parents have to understand the fact their children aren't conservative.

In the old society, people were interdependent. Everyone had unique responsibility. Therefore, that type of society marriage is very important. Today’s society inter-dependency is minimal ( specially marriage ) and people are moving toward independent. There are many systems, equipment, places and methods to cater for men and women needs and wants. As an example early days women required protection from men but today government/ police and systems are place to provide it. For men required food and caring from women but today instant food, equipment, restaurants, insurance and lot of mechanisms available to cater those needs.
Men and women both focus on making money to pay for the need and wants.
This type of modern society it’s a basic question “ Why should I need man/women for marriage ? “
Old generation still believe in inter dependency.

Well, in the past, you married a girl, or made her pregnant, and bim, she had to deal with your dirty ass forever and to bake cakes for you. Also, a quote attributed to Socrates says something like "get married, if it's a good wife, you'll be happy, if you get a bad one, you'll be a philosopher". Unfortunately, I'm too young to trap someone into baking me cakes :c

On a more serious note, I think that marriage is, nowadays and probably in most of Europe, the culmination of your love to your partner. Culmination may be a too strong word seeing the divorce rate, but that's the theoritical part.Thus, I think that's a decision you take when you are sure that you love someone and that you want to inscribe that love into societies, a family, et caetera. To give your love a more tangible shape.
Surely getting financial/social advantages isn't out of the equation either.

"Unfortunately, I'm too young to trap someone into baking me cakes :C"

加油鸭

But also I think that Your past experience shouldnt make You thinking that it's some factor that leads to unhappines. After all it's You and Your lover, marriage isn't so big change of how life will look like, if with it or without it You both wants have future together.

I thought about your words over and over again. Yes I ignored on purpose the element of love. Maybe this is performance of being trapped by experience.

I loved only my parents till now, but the result is total betrayal. In school years whenever there was boy expresses that he likes me, I always thought no, you wouldn't if you know me well like my father do. My father never say anything positive about me and always compare me with other girls to dwarf me. In the beginning I hate myself now I hate him. I'm filled with hatred, bitter, anguish. As for my mom, once she wanted divorce and asked who shall I go with. I made my choice but she retreated due to fear of losing shelter. So I thought, maybe one should not get married if he/she cannot divorce.

Sorry I blahblah about my stupid family issue. My mind is chaotic after viewing normal, general theoretical from love to marriage thing. I'm wondering how many kids are raised because their parents love each other? Why these parents get married without love? How true that love is when they commit to each other?

Yes you're right marriage is not to be blamed. It's personality and choices.

This type of modern society it’s a basic question “ Why should I need man/women for marriage ? “
Old generation still believe in inter dependency.

Yes indeed. they believe not only inter dependency between husband and wife, but even more between children and parents.

This type of modern society it’s a basic question “ Why should I need man/women for marriage ? “
Old generation still believe in inter dependency.

Yes indeed. they believe not only inter dependency between husband and wife, but even more between children and parents.

Yes . Old generations ( including mine ) believe children will look after them when they are old. That is one of main purpose of having children. Also believe grand children will look after their children in same manner.
I'm a stranger to you and not an expert on this subject . I don't have right to tell you to get married or not.
However just question yourself why do you want to get married . For what ? to have children to look after you when U'r old ? will they do as you expect ? or in your country is their any mechanism to take care of your thing when U'r old. Do you need companionship ? and what level ? boyfriend is enough ? Do i need children ?
try to find answers for these type of questions on paper ( think on paper ) hope you will get a conclusion. Also remember every thing in this world is not permanent ( including us and our thoughts ) and nothing happen exactly the way we wont. Always expect the unexpected.

"Unfortunately, I'm too young to trap someone into baking me cakes :C"

加油鸭

Admit I laughed. duck could mean something totally different in French.

My father never say anything positive about me and always compare me with other girls to dwarf me. In the beginning I hate myself now I hate him. I'm filled with hatred, bitter, anguish. As for my mom, once she wanted divorce and asked who shall I go with. I made my choice but she retreated due to fear of losing shelter. So I thought, maybe one should not get married if he/she cannot divorce.

They are still your parents, aren't they? Didn't your father provided you with food, clothing etc? As for your mother, well, it happens... Sometimes, it's a very tough decision to divorce and to face the eventuality of losing everything you built for years, even if you probably lose more in the end..

I'm wondering how many kids are raised because their parents love each other?

You have a lot of single parency in France, and I don't think that it is much better.

"Unfortunately, I'm too young to trap someone into baking me cakes :C"

加油鸭

Admit I laughed. duck could mean something totally different in French.

鸭 is phonological the same with 呀. so you can ignore it.

If you don't want to marry, just don't marry and everything will be all right.