✨The Decision of Having Kids👶🏻👧🏻🧒🏻✨

Oh, no, not at all. I wasn’t into such thoughts when I was a teenager and I thought that would change. However, it didn’t happen, I think the same as in the past.

Obviously I’m not into the typical life everybody - or almost - has starting from their 20s or 30s, which includes kids and stuff.

I would still love to find someone who shares my same opinion about it 🙂

yess, that's okayy, everybody has right to decide their own life plan, as a human indeed have freewill and i hope the best for you!

1. Do you think you are a family oriented person?

Definitely not when I was a teenager, now it's a totally different story!

2. Do you feel comfortable around family or when a kid approach you?

I've changed a lot since I was younger and now I get along with my family and kids, also!

3. What makes you decide to have a child?

Wanting to raise a good human being, sharing the experience with your loved one

4. What makes the idea of having a family feel right (or not right) for you?

When I was younger I was scared about having the "adult responsibilities"

5. Do you feel like you're choosing this, or just going with what’s expected?

It should be a personal choise, I don't usually feel pressured by society, it's quite the opposite!

6. What kind of life do you imagine if you didn’t have kids?

Just one word: empty

7. What does “family” mean to you?

Someone you can share good and bad moments with

8. Would you raise a child the way you were raised, or would you do it differently?

Differently

9. If your life changed completely because of a kid, would you be okay with that? Why?

Of course life changes with a kid, but that doesn't mean you should stop doing things you enjoy as many people do

10. What would make you feel like your life is meaningful, with or without children?

With

11. How do you picture yourself as a parent?

Open minded, laid back, a counselor, someone who my child can count on

12. If no one ever asked or expected anything from you, would you still want a family?

Of couse, yes

13. Are you doing this for you, for a partner, or because that’s what people do?

It should be a shared decision between me and my partner

14. Do you feel excited about being a parent, or just afraid of missing out?

Excited!

15. if one day you finally get married, Do you want a kid at that time, or "someday”? what's your reason?

Kids come at every stage of life, married, engaged, single... Kids need love, not a contract between two adults!

16. What scares you the most about raising a kid?

Messing up

17. Can you be okay with a kid growing up totally different from what you'd imagined?

The key is to let them grow and follow their path along with them!

18. What kind of home, vibe, environment would you want & choose to raise a child in?

Ideally with other family members in the countryside

19. Are there parts of yourself you’d want to heal before becoming a parent?

Go to therapy, people! With or without kids! Do yourself a favour! 🙂

20. What qualities of a partner do you think you would want to have in raising children together?

Openminded, that respect and treat women equally, and when we don't agree on something, we discuss about it without yelling at eachother

21. Do you have any questions that you would like to ask?

Yes, @Call_me_mattia your answer nr. 4 is what perople usually say but I think it's unfair for people to have a child so that they can have someone to look after them when they're old! Parents should let their kids live their life without expecting to turn them into carers!

awwwwwww somehow i can feel the proud in yourself when i read your answer @Chantal- i can see that you already did your best to be the best mother for your kids.

I have questions especially for you, what are the struggles you often experience when raising your children? How do you handle if your child makes a mistake? And what approach do you usually do to stay close to your children?

I'm glad my pride radiates through my phone 🤣 Honestly I wouldn't use the word "struggle" because it's been a wonderful journey so far. I don't believe punishment is a good way to educate a kid so we talk through it, trying to understand why he did something and explaining to him why I think it's wrong. I do all sort of things with my kid, we play videogames, have a walk in the woods, play board games and most importantly we don't take ourselves too seriously! I'm not the average parent stressed about the kids 😬 I enjoy it too much!

Well auntie @Fleurke, i knew you are a great mother! and yes you are like a sun as a leo shine other zodiac, and anyway do you have any advice, or message like one or two toward a young adult who would building family? what things that must be do and don't to have a longlast relationship to your children?

oh wow, honestly @Yue_, i always like whenever you answer the question in the forum like you don't just answer, you also seem to draw the reader into your own imagination with each paragraph you write. So, do you often visit your family in China? And what family traditions in your family (in Netherland and Nanjing) do you remember and love most?

hhhh it's okkk i often see my cat as my baby hhh so what's you like the most about your pets? @Ilexforest

lmao yea, i agree @Idkbro some of parent are toxic, like they obsess to explicitly control they child. While when i talked to psychologist (while i were researched my thesis), the psychologist said that we can't control someone like a dictator. But, a parent need to guide, to answer, to explain, to mentor, to accompany the child in every phase. and from 0-6 the cognitive function of the kids starting to process while they are observing, explore, imitating people around them, and the curiosity of them growing along with their increasing age, and teenage phase is the phase that a child become veeeery curious about this and that, and they are also at a stage where they can fight or defend their rights, that's why it's not control that would be answer for teenage issue, but accompany, understanding, love, affection, answer so that both parent and kids can be closed, like a bestfriend. Limitating, restricting not helping anything, but only make the child exploration unfinished, which would endup make the kids having crisis identity later or make the kids having trust issue with their own family, while family is the first place for every child to come home and feel loved and protected. And since you have such a high curiosity about this and that, i'm sure you'll make a great mom later

Thankyou for your answer, @Call_me_mattia. I respect your thoughtful and independent perspective on family and parenthood, it makes me curious, what personal values or experiences shaped these views the most for you?

anw i'm sorry that if I can only respond today because yesterday I just had a date with my bf and usually I rarely check social media hhhh

@mayuuram My advice is to listen and communicate with your children. Don't forbid them everything, but don't give in to everything either, and know that they can always return home. No matter their age or what happened, they have a place to come home to.

Hahaha ofcourse each answer that you just wrote very straight to point, but also heartwarming and good for self-reflection for those who might want to start a family, and yes i totally agree with your answers, as a child may making mistake but yelling, or use violent to educate isn't the solution, but it only makes the kids more confused about their mistake.

and as someone who don't have children yet i feel like i'm myself need to educate myself with parenting knowledge so i wouldn't turn into toxic parent who is a dictator and uses violence for the sake for the child goodness, for me it's just makes no sense and only gives the kids lot of trauma 😔 (that's why in my thesis, I raised the issue of family because I feel how important parenting knowledge is, especially for children from broken homes who want to build a family.)

And I always admire parents who have succeeded in creating a harmonious home, full of love and a sense of security. Cause i know it's not easy to raise a children where children always show new things to us. (I know when I took part in helping my sister babysit her daughter)

@mayuuram My advice is to listen and communicate with your children. Don't forbid them everything, but don't give in to everything either, and know that they can always return home. No matter their age or what happened, they have a place to come home to.

Thankyou Auntie @Fleurke 🤗✨ You often share your routine to me which i always feel happy for you, and I hope the joy will always fills you and your children!

Yelling isn't useful for education, there are tons of studies regarding that but go tell it to Italians. When I ask them "What's the difference between hitting a kid and hitting a woman?" They stare at me like I said something out of the world.

I try my best to raise my son in the best way possible, of course I make mistakes like everyone but I want my son to know that I'm always there for him and he can count on me.

Hahaha ofcourse each answer that you just wrote very straight to point, but also heartwarming and good for self-reflection for those who might want to start a family, and yes i totally agree with your answers, as a child may making mistake but yelling, or use violent to educate isn't the solution, but it only makes the kids more confused about their mistake.

and as someone who don't have children yet i feel like i'm myself need to educate myself with parenting knowledge so i wouldn't turn into toxic parent who is a dictator and uses violence for the sake for the child goodness, for me it's just makes no sense and only gives the kids lot of trauma 😔 (that's why in my thesis, I raised the issue of family because I feel how important parenting knowledge is, especially for children from broken homes who want to build a family.)

And I always admire parents who have succeeded in creating a harmonious home, full of love and a sense of security. Cause i know it's not easy to raise a children where children always show new things to us. (I know when I took part in helping my sister babysit her daughter)

Thankyou Auntie @Fleurke 🤗✨ You often share your routine to me which i always feel happy for you, and I hope the joy will always fills you and your children!

Me to im happy we often do small talks on insta hhhhh 🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁

I'll just skip the questions in the order and make a summary of my answers.

I don't want any children, because I don't have any urge to have them. I see my life more freely without children, I save money, time and energy. I'm not that comfortable with random children going up to me, but if it's a matter of safety I would help the child.

I don't let other people decide for me to have any children, and luckily no one wants to push me to get them. The idea of a family doesn't sound right to me, because I would feel stuck.

Yelling isn't useful for education, there are tons of studies regarding that but go tell it to Italians. When I ask them "What's the difference between hitting a kid and hitting a woman?" They stare at me like I said something out of the world.

I try my best to raise my son in the best way possible, of course I make mistakes like everyone but I want my son to know that I'm always there for him and he can count on me.

thankyou for always trying to be the best mom in this insane world, thankyou for showing to people (who have no figure or role of how harmonious family feel) that a good parent really does exist. cause a lot of people in my country have very minimum or even they have nobody to see about how to build harmonious family, how to be a good parent, lot of parent in here see their child as a product, as a cow that they would milk later, as their old days investment. so a lot of parent in here, raising a child not because they want a child and want them to grow as a happy adult. But, they think the child would help and heal them.

I was research about this issue, and every respondent answer is very heartbreaking, when i make the thesis i cry a lot, i can feel their pain, their heartbroken, their overwhelmed reaction, their confusion on why their parent treat them that way. I always wondering and questions it like how can a person think that way? How could they have the gut to do that to their child? Isn't child should be loved? I don't think so..

That's why i made this forum, not because i want to blame one party, However, so that anyone who sees it can understand the reasons behind each decision, the goal is, if you want to have children but don't yet know the compelling reason for your desire, at least you can see the answers and perspectives of others.

And if you don't want to, that's totally okay! cause everyone has their own reasons, goals, and aspirations for life. Do what you think is the best for you, and not for people..

I'll just skip the questions in the order and make a summary of my answers.

I don't want any children, because I don't have any urge to have them. I see my life more freely without children, I save money, time and energy. I'm not that comfortable with random children going up to me, but if it's a matter of safety I would help the child.

I don't let other people decide for me to have any children, and luckily no one wants to push me to get them. The idea of a family doesn't sound right to me, because I would feel stuck.

yesss that's a spirit kiki! do what you think is the best and the most suitable for you, i'm happy for you that no one push you or demand you about this and that and not😃

Many people have children because that's what couples do. I think we need to understand that bringing a child to this world is an amazing adventure and we should be happy about it, not being frustrated and vomit it all to the children that didn't ask to be born!

I agree with you that many see their children as a product and parents feel entitled to make them do the things they didn't do as a child (like sports, school, etc) but it's soooo wrong and I dont understand why people don't even question themselves! I'm not saying I'm perfect but there's no way I would force a decision on my child!

I think it is also important that not everything is so stressy. For example i think that working super hard is good. But i think often it is never enough so if you get a really good grade it can still be better. If i get for example an 8 or 9 that is a really high grade. But my dad asks what mistake did you make bc it is not a 10. So if you think it must always be better i feel a lot of pressure about it every time. And if i have children i dont want that they feel so stressy for everything they do in school. If they get good grades than that is good enough and if they get bad grades maybe you can help to make them better but maybe more softly so it is not that you are super tensed all the time.

Of course school is very important but, yes, stressing the kid about the grades (especially if they are already good) isn't useful.

I'm sure your dad wants the best for you, maybe that's why he's so demanding but don't forget to be proud of yourself and your results! Don't fall into the trap that you could have done more. Nobody's perfect and you are good enough! 😜

Many (young) women are fed that it is empowering to refuse to have children. Of course nothing should be forced on you. However, as women get older many tend to change their mind and natural instinct kicks in but often a little too late. Those who push women to live childless and supposedly worry free are often nihilists in disguise: having children has got to be one of the most fulfilling experiences in life and it is absolutely vital to society keep that circle of life going. Most people consider family to be extremely important to them; having children is the ultimate way to strengthen these ties!

@Etienne maybe a super stupid question but what is nihilist?? 🙄🙄

I have to agree with you on this one, the amount of women on social media that think that it's men that pushes them to have kids, it's honestly worrying. That said, I think they'd rather not have a kid... Can you imagine being raised by a mom that doesn't want you?! Pushing a woman to have a kid is exactly the same of pushing her not to have one.

And if you realise in your late 40s that you wanted one just because you're missing something, like a purse you didn't have time to purchase... Sorry, nature has other plans for you!

i agree with you guys, with or without kids, being a career woman or become a housewife, everyone have right to decide what they think is best and suitable for them. There is nothing better or worse, it's only the matters of each person's choice. everyone has different situation, condition, environment, goals, purpose on anything in their life, as long as we don't harm or force people or project our unfinished dream to someone else, imo, we can't intervene. And only that person who knows what's the best for them, unless they ask your opinion or advice for their questions so we can show them our perspective of why we choose that path.

I see people who are workers are great, and I see those who do domestic tasks are just as great. the propaganda about childfree are cool, if they are aware that there are one or two logical reasons and feel that they have not or cannot find a strong reason. And it's not because they feel fomo.

but then, like what @Etienne has said, human such a dynamic creature, we can change along with the new experience, or meet someone new, or oh, in random time, we found the answer. but once we decide to have a kid, and raising them, it such a long term commitment, that's why we need to think and prepare a lot of things including material, knowledge, education, mental etc.

personally, For now, I realize that I am not yet able to have children, it doesn't mean i don't enjoy surrounds by kids or playing with them, no i enjoy and like it. but, I feel like I still like going out alone, I still like hanging out with friends or my partner until late at night or without looking at the time, I still feel like I'm not completely full, there's still a lot that i wanna do, like duh, im still 23. I'm not cut out to be a mother yet 😂

but then, im such a visioner, maybe with one or two reason or answer from people would help me on when i must start consider it hhh

Definitely not a stupid question @Yue_, the definition is: "a person who believes that life is meaningless and rejects all religious and moral principles". They're usually against pro birth initiatives, support end of life ones, and can go as far as being anti-humanity.

Definitely not a stupid question @Yue_, the definition is: "a person who believes that life is meaningless and rejects all religious and moral principles". They're usually against pro birth initiatives, support end of life ones, and can go as far as being anti-humanity.

Thank you very much!!! 🙏🙏 I never heard of that before and i dont know anybody like that!!! 😬😬🙄 I think if you are like that than you should not force it that other people suffer from it. Bc if you dont like life than others still do. They can help you BUTTT you should not destroy their life and how they enjoy nice things.

Definitely not a stupid question @Yue_, the definition is: "a person who believes that life is meaningless and rejects all religious and moral principles". They're usually against pro birth initiatives, support end of life ones, and can go as far as being anti-humanity.

i found the person like that in online, and when i try to talk or to understand their heads and why think that way, the answer seems to be going round in circles as if trying to blur their true motive.