'Where have you been? With whom? Why? How long have you stayed? Where are you going now? Tell your parents I said hi.'
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'Where have you been? With whom? Why? How long have you stayed? Where are you going now? Tell your parents I said hi.'
I mean yea those are the first things she asks me. When i visit her and i visit her alot but its always those questions.
But add to the list.
'You must be hungry'
'The neighbors are throwing dog shit on my field again'
'Kerttu come help it says my phone has 5838 viruses on it'
'Have some money child'
'Did you know that (some random relative im supposed to know but dont know name) did this.
'Look at this video about Putin and Trump as babies dancing'
'Did you see that article about how Russia will attatck soon'
'Did you know' (and proceeds to reveal something traumatizing from her childhood while giving me accsess to the cookie bag)
'Kerttu could you please carry all my 64 amaryllis plants outside again' (those things are really heavy i suffer when i carry them two stairs up or down)
Im fully convinced grandmas are just same eveywhere in the world.
But thease are the awegare grandma lines. And all off those are actual conversations i have had with her.
People will always judge you, no matter what you do. Those who judge don't need a reason to judge you, they just do it because it helps their cold black heart feel more alive. For me, it's either how I dress, how I don't talk enough, how shy I am, etc. There's always something, and the only thing you can do is ignore it and find the good things in what they judge.
You don't like how I dress? It's more original, comfortable for myself and looks more fancy than the hoodies we can see everywhere. I don't talk enough? True, but it means I get to choose my friends carefully and I'm better off without people that have little to no values anyway. I'm too shy? Sure, but that doesn't make me unfriendly, and it means I get plenty of time to become more attentive to others. And so on and so on, it's just a question of turning things around.
The good thing is, it's not difficult at all to find the positive parts in the half-baked excuses to dislike a stranger. Why should I, or anyone for that matter, care about what a random stranger thinks of me? It's their loss for choosing to come to a negative conclusion before even getting to know me.
Although I have to agree that sometimes words can be hurtful, even coming from a charmless stranger. In those cases, the first thing to do is forgive them. Holding resentment only makes me stoop down to their level by finding all the things I find wrong with them to console myself, and personally, I don't want that. It's very difficult to forgive someone who hurt you for no reason, but trust me it's worth it, because once you properly forgive something you can either forget about it or grow from it.
People shouldnβt judge others but it happens sometimes even subconsciously which is a shame. The I hate this person before actually speaking with them is one that gets thrown around a lot itβs coming from adults to maybe because someone they know doesnβt like them thatβs all it takes itβs not good. Everybody is different if we were all the same the world would be pretty boring.
Dan Iβm judging you mother f*$ker
I mean yea those are the first things she asks me. When i visit her and i visit her alot but its always those questions.
But add to the list.
'You must be hungry'
'The neighbors are throwing dog shit on my field again'
'Kerttu come help it says my phone has 5838 viruses on it'
'Have some money child'
'Did you know that (some random relative im supposed to know but dont know name) did this.
'Look at this video about Putin and Trump as babies dancing'
'Did you see that article about how Russia will attatck soon'
'Did you know' (and proceeds to reveal something traumatizing from her childhood while giving me accsess to the cookie bag)
'Kerttu could you please carry all my 64 amaryllis plants outside again' (those things are really heavy i suffer when i carry them two stairs up or down)
Im fully convinced grandmas are just same eveywhere in the world.
But thease are the awegare grandma lines. And all off those are actual conversations i have had with her.
My grandmom when she was clearer in her head always said if everybody was super busy: we are also busy because we are drinking tea!! I think she said that joke maybe 8728913 times. π She was always super zen when everybody was really busy and stressed!!! β¨β€οΈ
The easiest and noblest way is not to be crushing others, but to be improving yourselves. The first sign of an improved mind is not to judge others without wearing their shoes. Be judged, and don't mind.
The easiest and noblest way is not to be crushing others, but to be improving yourselves. The first sign of an improved mind is not to judge others without wearing their shoes. Be judged, and don't mind.
Thank you very much @diogenes_cask!! ππ I know that you are right and that you should not mind if others gossip or judge or say things but i think is just that sometimes if you hear them judging you than it can really get u down but if u dont hear it than u think a LOTTT of things in your head at the same time what they maybe have said or gossiped. But still it is true what you said but also really difficult. πππ
As a lawyer I am not entirely alien to the concept of the judiciary. Nevertheless, encounters are relatively rare compared to full time litigators. Any judges who act under the auspices of private opinions - as opposed to those behind the proverbial βbenchβ in a court of law - have never bothered me. Each person comes with a mute button. Just activate and proceed with your daily chores.
Honestly, talking about judgment, it depends on what kind of judgment we are referring to. Judgment does not always lead to a negative outcome; it largely depends on how we convey it and what our intention is.
Are we approaching the situation with empathy? Are we willing to consider multiple perspectives? Is our focus on understanding, growth, and solutions, or merely on criticizing and putting someone down?
At its core, to judge simply means to evaluate. In a constructive sense, it is the process of assessing a situation, behavior, or person without rushing to conclusions, while remaining open to context and nuance.
Of course, many judgments are subjective. One way to distinguish constructive judgment from destructive judgment is to ask a few questions: Does it provide insight or merely labels? Does it consider a broader context or only a narrow perspective? Is it based on observable facts, or on assumptions and speculation? Does it encourage understanding, or simply assign blame?
And to know whether this judgment is only meant to bring down or growth, you need to use a cool head and think without bias.
For example, after my breakup a few months ago, one of my ex's friends reached out to me. At first, she asked me a hand for editing stuff, and i helped her cause we had met several times before, and I believed we had a fairly good relationship. okay we cool, but then after it has finished, then she asked why the relationship ended. I explained my perspective calmly and objectively, describing the factors that made the relationship unsustainable.
However, when people only have access to one side of a story, or are deeply attached to a particular narrative, they may arrive at conclusions that overlook important context. She described me as "intolerant," "too much," and "too demanding.". (actually, I was hurt by her response, particularly because I had always viewed her as someone I trusted. It felt as though our previous relationship mattered less than her loyalty to my ex.)
Perhaps, from her perspective, those labels made sense. But labels alone rarely explain the full picture.
What one person calls "too demanding" may simply be another person expressing emotional needs that exceed what their partner is willing or able to provide . What one person sees as "too much" may be another person's standard for emotional reciprocity, communication, or commitment. yes, the point is in my issue, there are differences in 'standards', 'needs', 'capacities' and 'abilities of individuals'.
I used to always accept something that was far from the bare minimum and call it love because at first I didn't know how to be treated well (because I came from a family that was intact, but there was no love in it). And my eyes were opened wide because I met more and more people, from harmonious families who could treat me well, even though I wasn't the prettiest woman, not the one they have feeling to, just a friend, but they could treat me well without needing to be explained, taught, or fought with. and when they treat me well, they have no idea how my ex treated me, my eyes were opened purely because I observed, i pay attention, not because I told him what my ex lacked. yep, they know nothing.
The issue is not whether someone agrees with my expectations. The issue is whether they are willing to understand where those expectations come from before judging them. This is why I believe there is a difference between evaluating and condemning.
Evaluation seeks understanding. It asks why a behavior exists, what needs are involved, and whether there is a healthier solution. Condemnation, on the other hand, often starts with a verdict and then looks for evidence to justify it. When people lack the willingness to look beyond their own perspective, they often become defensive of what feels familiar to them. In some cases, this can lead them to enable unhealthy behaviors, not necessarily out of malice, but because they cannot yet see the situation from a broader angle.
A constructive judgment should leave room for complexity. Human relationships are rarely as simple as "one person was right" and "the other was wrong." More often, they reveal differences in values, emotional capacities, expectations, and levels of self-awareness. Understanding that complexity is, perhaps, the most important form of judgment we can practice.
Being judged unfairly can still hurt. However, I have learned that not everyone has enough information, context, or willingness to understand my perspective. Because of that, I no longer base my self-worth on the opinions of people who barely know me
However, I'm the type who will also accept constructive judgment, especially when it's used good approach, and in a good-manner. Because positive change isn't harmful, it's actually beneficial, as long as we can see it with a cool head.
Edited by mayuuram .
Thank u very much everybody who wrote in the forum!!! π Today i feel much better so sometimes it also depends on the day but it is also bc im super tired!!! π π But i know sometimes it is more difficult than today and then u just have to try to not focus on it or maybe a nice tip is to ask a best friend what they think of it. Because she really knows u and can tell when they are just saying things to hurt u or if something else is going on and it makes NOO sense what they say to u. So i think that can maybe ALSO help. ππ
Welllll, I'm someone who wears her heart on her sleevesss, but to be honest, I truly don't know if I'm being judged or not, like you notice they are judging 'cause they are looking at you and smiling or laughing, but I'm always doing something funny or I'm just quietttt, it's either of twoooo, last year in my class, there was this group of girls who i though judged me and also a few guys, but later on i found most of those guys like me and when I talked to those girls, I found they thought I was nice and they wanted me to be a part of them, though I'm never solely a part of just ONEEE grouppp, like neverrrrrrr, anyways that's what I meannnn, I don't think I'm always just being judged there's always an undertone of amusement, which i loveee wayyy tooo muchhhh, so I don't mind when someone is judging me, that's their issue not mineee π€π₯Ήβ¨
@Based_Aura i thought about this forum what u wrote about ur name in the interview!!! So i thought maybe u like this forum and to read it. π
Hiii everybody! πββοΈ Do u sometimes feel like the WHOLE WORLD judges u about EVERYTHING u do and that u can only do wrong. And if u do right then people dont see it but if u do wrong they mention it and judge u about for it. ππππ€
It can really make all energy go away and that u still have to do everything while u know that u can only do wrong how people look. Or at least it feels that way. ππ
Does anybody else also feel sometimes that only people look at u to judge u at least on some days and u CANT do right? π ββοΈπβ
Yep, I usually have the feeling that there is always someone judging me and I always say IDC about other people's opinions but actually I do care. I personally don't judge people off their looks or most of their actions. If I judge people I judge their personality. I judge u of u are a shitty person. I'm not in the position to judge people off their looks or smth. If you look closely at my friend group irl you'll understand.
Yep, I usually have the feeling that there is always someone judging me and I always say IDC about other people's opinions but actually I do care. I personally don't judge people off their looks or most of their actions. If I judge people I judge their personality. I judge u of u are a shitty person. I'm not in the position to judge people off their looks or smth. If you look closely at my friend group irl you'll understand.
If im honest then i can look not like how somebody LOOKS like from physical things but more like how that person looks in way if is like super agressive or that u dont feel comfortable. BUTTT that is not because for example somebody has tattoo or piercing but more like how they look and behave in certain way that u dont feel comfortable enough.
And from judging looks in positive way i think is allowed. So if a girl i know from school for example wears something nice i can just say it and is not a problem or if i think it is a pretty look. BUTTT i dont say that with guys if i think maybe they look handsome because if u say something then people think u have crush on him and that is NOTTTT true so i prefer not saying that and that u have to defend it when people think that. πππ