Parental enquiry

A day liberated from office life provides time for contemplation. A matter that recently came up for discussion in our house concerns the age at which parents must succumb to the inevitable wish of their offspring to get a mobile phone and/or laptop.

As a rule of thumb we have always applied the rule: not the first and not the last compared to their peers at school. May I ask any parents and youngsters: at which age do you consider it appropriate as a parent to yield to such wishes? And how can you properly protect your minis for the dangers that lurk online? This matter is a bit of a digital quagmire for us as we are not tech savvy and are unaware of the workings of most (seemingly) popular apps.

Any thoughts and comments are gratefully received!

A day liberated from office life provides time for contemplation. A matter that recently came up for discussion in our house concerns the age at which parents must succumb to the inevitable wish of their offspring to get a mobile phone and/or laptop.

As a rule of thumb we have always applied the rule: not the first and not the last compared to their peers at school. May I ask any parents and youngsters: at which age do you consider it appropriate as a parent to yield to such wishes? And how can you properly protect your minis for the dangers that lurk online? This matter is a bit of a digital quagmire for us as we are not tech savvy and are unaware of the workings of most (seemingly) popular apps.

Any thoughts and comments are gratefully received!

For me i was 12 and i got a mobile phone but that was the old one of my parents. And we had the rule that you can only use during screen time but not after it and i could not use it in my room but when i was 13 i could use it in my room so that rule is a bit weird i think. But in evening i have to leave it downstairs and not take it up. And laptop i could use downstairs but that was not from me. But in high school they gave laptop as a present bc you need that really. But before i could only use downstairs from theirs but that is ok. 🙂

It is rather difficult to answer such a question. I went through it a few years ago out of curiosity, and it seemed that before 3, there should be no screen at all for kids because of the cognitive and attention issues screens can induce in early developmental stages (and I think evidences were suggesting it should be extended to 5 or 6). After this point and until adolescence, it should be well supervised for both content and time.

This already looks easier to say than to do, and it gets way worse with phones because it induces the exposure to social medias, games and other apps... and no matter all the measures you take, children find ways to bypass them. I know very well this last, because even 15+ years ago, I could do and access many things despite having no phone on my own.

As a rule of thumb though, and from what I have seen, I would do something like Yue describes.
- No phone before 12
- Specific screen time (at least at home) with no phone in bedroom. I believe you have some parameters native from Android to limit the day use.

- Parental and monitoring apps for apps, social medias... You probably have things like google family links, or maybe better apps to do so and also set in game purchase restrictions if relevant (many games nowadays are heavily based on microtransactions and will trigger gambling addictions). For browser, you have thing like SafeSearch (there are probably much better because it doesn't filter much...)
- Good communication on what is done on phone/internet, with risks associated + discussing about how the phone is actually used and the experiences with it

- Soften rules over times

When I started 5th grade it required me to be on public transport for more than an hour, to reach school. That's when I got a phone. But back then it was just that - a phone you could call someone on, or text. Are these simple phones even still available? I might get my child one of these, and then maybe a smart-phone for when they're home and you can more easily track what's happening on there.

Yue: Thank you for sharing first hand experiences in response to my query. The age of 12 seems to make sense albeit that this age barrier seems to be eroding quite rapidly. May I ask about the daily quota allotted by your parents as “screen time”? This would be quite useful to know as a possible benchmark.

Lianshen: Many thanks for your feedback. I assume that the application of certain filters and barriers can be installed - or at least explained - in a proper store. I know about the existence of such digital safeguards, but they still have a wizardly aura surrounding them in my prehistoric mind. The IT department of our firm had an unintended moment of joy when I had to confess my difficulties in installing a wireless mouse for my office laptop. There are informative videos on You Tube where online dangers are explained to children, but these are catered to teenagers. May be useful in a couple of years. We are quite happy to have fostered a climate of safe speech in our household. Any problems of whatever nature - no matter whether trivial or serious - can be raised as a topic for discussion. This is something which we highly cherish and may be useful to also help navigating the online galaxy.

Laurabavaria: Thank you for sharing your experiences. I can vividly remember my old Nokia with utmost limited technical features. I am not sure whether such “try these first” mobile phones still exist. Would there be a sufficiently large audience to which such phones could be marketed? It is also a bit of a balancing act: I do not wish our children to be in the vanguard of technological advancement in their classroom, but also not for them to be “left out” or otherwise being excluded in particular ways. This can be as basic as certain app groups to inform about sudden changes in time schedules to online equivalents of blackboard (or whatever “new” names have been awarded to similar features). The appropriate way to deal with these matters will probably be subject to at least some degree of trial and error. On the one hand we wish to protect our minions, on the other end of the spectrum we do not wish to be too rigid.

Thank you all very much again for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Yue: Thank you for sharing first hand experiences in response to my query. The age of 12 seems to make sense albeit that this age barrier seems to be eroding quite rapidly. May I ask about the daily quota allotted by your parents as “screen time”? This would be quite useful to know as a possible benchmark.

Lianshen: Many thanks for your feedback. I assume that the application of certain filters and barriers can be installed - or at least explained - in a proper store. I know about the existence of such digital safeguards, but they still have a wizardly aura surrounding them in my prehistoric mind. The IT department of our firm had an unintended moment of joy when I had to confess my difficulties in installing a wireless mouse for my office laptop. There are informative videos on You Tube where online dangers are explained to children, but these are catered to teenagers. May be useful in a couple of years. We are quite happy to have fostered a climate of safe speech in our household. Any problems of whatever nature - no matter whether trivial or serious - can be raised as a topic for discussion. This is something which we highly cherish and may be useful to also help navigating the online galaxy.

Laurabavaria: Thank you for sharing your experiences. I can vividly remember my old Nokia with utmost limited technical features. I am not sure whether such “try these first” mobile phones still exist. Would there be a sufficiently large audience to which such phones could be marketed? It is also a bit of a balancing act: I do not wish our children to be in the vanguard of technological advancement in their classroom, but also not for them to be “left out” or otherwise being excluded in particular ways. This can be as basic as certain app groups to inform about sudden changes in time schedules to online equivalents of blackboard (or whatever “new” names have been awarded to similar features). The appropriate way to deal with these matters will probably be subject to at least some degree of trial and error. On the one hand we wish to protect our minions, on the other end of the spectrum we do not wish to be too rigid.

Thank you all very much again for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

For most in my class in beginning was like 2 hrs or some how much they wanted. But for me was different bc just when my parents said STOPPP than you must stop immediately. And some of my friends said that's really weird or dumb but that is just how my parents wanted it and in my culture it is different so if they say smt you REALLY have to listen. And for my friends that is sometimes different but that is just how it is for me now and it is ok of course. But sometimes it can be strange if you try to explain it to others bc they often dont understand that anyway. 🙄🙄😵‍💫🤐

Lianshen: Many thanks for your feedback. I assume that the application of certain filters and barriers can be installed - or at least explained - in a proper store. I know about the existence of such digital safeguards, but they still have a wizardly aura surrounding them in my prehistoric mind. The IT department of our firm had an unintended moment of joy when I had to confess my difficulties in installing a wireless mouse for my office laptop. There are informative videos on You Tube where online dangers are explained to children, but these are catered to teenagers. May be useful in a couple of years. We are quite happy to have fostered a climate of safe speech in our household. Any problems of whatever nature - no matter whether trivial or serious - can be raised as a topic for discussion. This is something which we highly cherish and may be useful to also help navigating the online galaxy.

It seems to me that communication in something central in your family, and I believe that is the key when it comes to problem solving regarding phone/technology use, as long as there is basic informations/goals.

From what I saw, most stores can indeed help you with it (if you ask), at least to activate the safety features and maybe explain the phone's native safeguards. In France, there are also digital parenting services, or public libraries, that also help with this, so I wouldn't be surprised if similar provisions existed in South Africa. Else, probably your IT department or a phone repair store would also happily assist you.
Maybe they also have mobile offer coming with parental controls nowadays; but that is to be asked on store or checked for online...

Concerning the wireless mouse, I can confidently say that even if you were born with technology, you could still struggle with this demonic device. I got bamboozled more than once and the instructions to install them are, often, rather shady.

Regarding informations for children younger than teens, I can fully imagine why it's limited. I believe it is first because phones are generally not expected to be used by them and, second, because the topic is overlooked despite the health concerns around it, and children contents being, sometimes, questionable.

Lastly, I see your point with @laurabavaria and "dumbphones" seem to make a (small) comeback partly because of that and because some people want to make "detox". It's worth giving a look if it can save most of your struggle with parenting apps/controls 🙂

Lianshen (and also again Laurabavaria): many thanks for sharing your views and thoughts. It seems that a roadmap to survival becomes visible. Our view of "not the first and not the last" will remain and we will keep in mind that 12 is likely the age at which our stage of denial ("no phones until 30") will likely end. The implementation of digital safeguards - with the assistance of store employees (the IT department of an office is not a good idea for a number of reasons - a surviving image of not being entirely devoid of technical capabilities amongst them) seems a workable solution. Hopefully, the best tool remains an open climate for discussion at home and the infinite desire that technical developments will have a finite nature.

_________________________________________________________SURF LIVE_____________

For me, all these questions are absolutely essential, and I believe
we often look 'only' to the symptoms. If we really want to change
something, especially for our future generations, then we have
to address the causes. For me, these all lie in the area of
awareness...!

And yes, Savi, asking such questions is a good first step...


LOVE and LIGHT
michael