First Love

Would anybody like to talk about their first love?

Mine was decades ago, when I was a teen. Hardly a day has passed that I don't think about her, even though I've rarely admitted it. I wouldn't want to intrude upon her life, and I'm happy with mine now. But if I'm being honest, I still love her deeply.

And so, I've introduced this topic here.

Everything I've ever done since we parted has been somehow related to her. Sometimes it feels like a heavy burden to bear, knowing this person meant so much and yet never telling her that anymore. I can only hope that is the right decision because she deserves the freedom to enjoy what happiness she has created without me.

But that doesn't erase the fact that first love has had such a huge impact on my life.

I doubt I'm alone in feeling this way. Anyone else care to share?

I guess the first time I truly loved a woman was in my early 20s. The months which followed our first encounter were probably the most intense I had ever felt, truly overwhelming (almost got me into jail too, lol).

And yes, losing her was incredibly painful but eventually I understood that her happiness is all what counts and if I can't deliver on that, she deserves to go on and it was wise of her to do so.

Yet, she gave me the sensation of pure love, completely unconditional and no one can ever take that away from me, for which I remain grateful to this day.

Yep, you and I that was quite something. Hope you're doing fine, A., wherever you are. I rarely think about you these days but when I do, only in the fondest of memories.

I really like your forum @HeartCollector666!!!! i want to write something but i dont have a relationship yet so i dont know what to write.

BUTTTT you and @istanblues write that you are happy for her and it is more important than that you have a relationship right. That is very beautiful but i would also feel super painful abt it because you want to be together too.

And @istanblues what did you do that you almost went in jail???? 😬😬😳😳😳

@Yue_ Not everyone is the same. But if you're like some people, I'd say you should be careful about who you allow to become your first love. It can have lasting effects. The kind that linger for the rest of your life, and not all in a good way.

Mine was the pretty captain of the cheerleading squad. And me? I was just a loser who didn't deserve a girl like that. We were ecstatic while it lasted. But then, through a series of stupid misunderstandings and miscommunication that seem fitting for a silly TV sitcom, it was over.

Maybe some people mean it when they say they're happy for the one they lost. But I wouldn't distort my truth and say it that way. She was too important to my life. It hurts that she's happy. It always has. And I honestly wish she didn't seem so content without me.

There's simply nothing to be done about it. Nothing that would simultaneously preserve the beauty of what we once had.

All I can do is listen to "Creep" by Radiohead.

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
Oh, oh

She's running out the gate
She's running

She's running to...
Run, run

Run

Run

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

I had had a few crushes on people before, but my first relationship with a girl when I was 16 ended in her breaking up with me. I am quiet okay looking back at it now. I loved her to bits, but she didn’t love me, she loved that I loved her. Then I had a couple of times with girls I wouldn’t really call relationships, because it never got that far. Just last year I had my first real relationship. I felt amazing, but again I felt like we weren’t equally attracted to eachother. Maybe it’s on me, maybe I love too much. I dream of meeting someone who really likes me for me, but I am starting to doubt that person exists.

Well, @TomiL, that's interesting. It seems you and I have led different lives.

After that first love, I had no choice but to move on. I also had a certain charisma that attracted a lot of girls. It wasn't difficult to find new prospects, but I was carrying tremendous pain. The initial "high" from that first relationship left me "chasing the dragon," so to speak. As a result, countless women thereafter professed their love for me.

But only one ever made such a huge difference when she said it.

And I kid you not. Despite my best efforts, she was the reason that some others left me later on. Because they couldn't stand to live in her shadow.

@Yue_ Not everyone is the same. But if you're like some people, I'd say you should be careful about who you allow to become your first love. It can have lasting effects. The kind that linger for the rest of your life, and not all in a good way.

Mine was the pretty captain of the cheerleading squad. And me? I was just a loser who didn't deserve a girl like that. We were ecstatic while it lasted. But then, through a series of stupid misunderstandings and miscommunication that seem fitting for a silly TV sitcom, it was over.

Maybe some people mean it when they say they're happy for the one they lost. But I wouldn't distort my truth and say it that way. She was too important to my life. It hurts that she's happy. It always has. And I honestly wish she didn't seem so content without me.

There's simply nothing to be done about it. Nothing that would simultaneously preserve the beauty of what we once had.

All I can do is listen to "Creep" by Radiohead.

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
Oh, oh

She's running out the gate
She's running

She's running to...
Run, run

Run

Run

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

Thank you @HeartCollector666!! I am super careful bc i dont want that you get a relationship with a guy and he only cares that he can say he kissed you and that you went on a date and that he breaks up immediately. But it is difficult if you really get a relationship that you know that you love each other the most of everyone. 😊😊 But i think it is also difficult bc there are a lot of things that are important in a relationship and it stresses me a lot. Bc he can tell a lot of private stuff to his friends if it does not work or if you do things wrong. And he can really hurt you if he is super mean when he breaks it up and does not care about your feelings at all. And it is safer when you dont have a relationship yet so i prefer to wait until i think i am more ready for it.

@Yue, that's not quite what I meant.

First love is a wonderful feeling that can hit a person like a runaway freight train loaded with pure euphoria. The other person might truly care about you and feel the same way, just as deeply. With utmost sincerity. If so, it's utterly magical.

But it also tends to change a person's life. Sets one on a certain course, and you may never fully regain control of yourself ever again. If it happens to you, just keep in mind that there might be long-term effects you can't possibly foresee. As good as the feeling is while it lasts, there will also be serious consequences.

That's something romance novels, fairy tales, and movies don't often teach. In real life, not every ending is a happy one, though there are plenty of fun beginnings.

My first “relationship” was around the age of 5. Puppy love is of course something quite different than a first “real” relationship. But fun and rather innocent memories of being a puppy can also be everlasting.

Unaware at the time of the notions of chivalry and courtesy (or any ancillary concepts), I traded panini stickers using a 1-1 swap ratio. No discount was provided to my muse at the time. Sheer innocence and a near complete album!

@CurlSun : What fascinating insight! Thanks.

I've often wondered what kinds of problems my first love might've had with the guy she married. He, too, seems like a really nice guy, according to outside appearances. But to be honest, he looks rather drab and boring compared to me. LoL. Somehow I get the feeling their romantic spark is nowhere near what she and I used to have.

Their kids look lovely, though.

I know everything couldn't have turned out all roses and sunshine if she and I had stayed together, No doubt we would've faced challenges and problems. But I likely would've enjoyed overcoming those with her as much as anything good we could have shared. It just would've been so awesome to face the world at her side. I'm a little disappointed I didn't get the chance to really show her what I've got.

@CurlSun: Oh, I don't think I lost out on anything. I just miss her presence and long to be near her when she's gone. But perhaps this is only one life out of many. If so, I'm sure there will be another chance. I look forward to that day.

But about that regret...

By all means, feel free to share more.

My first love was my first bed. I am still missing it.

My first love was my first bed. I am still missing it.

Your first bed as a baby?? Or do you mean another bed? Or are you now sleeping on the floor!! 😛 😛 sorry that is a joke. 🙂

Yes, it's interesting, I support this topic, but I won't say it myself, I once said it on my forum and I was trolled 😮‍💨

Yes, it's interesting, I support this topic, but I won't say it myself, I once said it on my forum and I was trolled 😮‍💨

It is not right if you are trolled bc i think everybody should say on the forum what they like and that they should NOTTT be afraid what they say.

It is not right if you are trolled bc i think everybody should say on the forum what they like and that they should NOTTT be afraid what they say.

Yes, of course. Ideally, that's how it should be

Yes, it's interesting, I support this topic, but I won't say it myself, I once said it on my forum and I was trolled 😮‍💨

I don't like people who troll like that 🙄 I hope you still feel confortable here 😊🥰

I don't like people who troll like that 🙄 I hope you still feel confortable here 😊🥰

Thank you very much! 😊