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  • My interests in other cultures

    Seeking aggressive woman for unfulfilling sex, future divorce and co-dependency. Looking for a whiny, crazy lady with a misplaced sense of entitlement and over hyped expectations. I’m open to a chaotic fling but would prefer a slow, soul crushing descent into a haze of alcohol and pills. All applicants considered in strict confidence. Smokers need not apply.

  • My proudest accomplishments

    Three years of successful independent living in a shop doorway in Cardboard City, busking my guitar with my dancing dog. Got by on sales of The Big Issue and cups of tea, broken biscuits and other generous handouts from passing members of public. Now at risk of slipping further down the queue for gratuitous donations as boatloads of dubious mongrels invite themselves to join us and take endless advantage of anyone and everyone.

  • I'm an expert at...

    Sarcastic humour. Despising politicians. Failing to impress. Not taking anything seriously. Waiting patiently.

  • A personal challenge

    If you’re ready to talk, do not start with “how are you” ! Just go straight in and we’ll be off to the right start. I’m not complicated. Just simple, quirky. Warm, stupid, entertaining, willing and keen.

  • Favourite books/authors/films

    ‘A Lifetime of Degradation’ by Matt Hancock

    ´Let the Blood Flow’’ by Sadiq Khan

    ‘My Next Disaster’ by Boris Johnson

    ´Slipping in Smarm’ by Michael Gove

    ‘My Friend Corruption’ by Boris Johnson