Eventhough he was one of the funniest figure ever in the history of philosophy, yet he was brilliantly genious one to make such a response when he was asked why do people give to beggars, but not to philosophers?: "Because they think they may one day be lame or blind, but never expect that they will turn to philosophy." Either he's considered as an ancient troll, or an ancient rock star, he was one of most colorful characters in ancient Greece. His greatest rival in never ending philosophical debates, Plato has described him “ A Socrates, gone mad.” Was he mad for real or just a theatrical philosopher radicalizing the ideas of his teacher Antisthenes? Let's check some anectodes from him.
While he was in Corinth, he was living as a penniless philosophizing beggar, and he was lazily busy with having his sunbath under the cruel Sun of Corinth. Out of a blue, he's approached by Alexander the Great and his guards. Surprisingly Alexander makes Diogenes an incredible offer: "ask anything of me and I'll give it to you." Diogenes grumbled and replied "Stand out of my light." It may sound like a foolishly bold answer in the first place, but in fact, it still holds the essence of his cynic philosopy. Cynics like Diogenes prized one thing above all else: "autarkeia" translated into "autonomy or freedom." For sure, he was wise enough to see Alexander's offer wasn't just a gift, but an attempt to buy his loyalty. We might think that such a disrespectful answer could have made Alexander pissed off. But he enjoyed this answer and Alexander is reported to have said, "Had I not been Alexander, I should have liked to be Diogenes."
Some day, Diogenes was captured by pirates and auctioned off as a slave in Corinth. When he was presented on the stage to potential buyers, he did something weird: He spotted a rich man in the crowd named Xeniades and said, "Sell me to this man; he needs a master." Even as a slave, Diogenes was freer than his supposed master. Indeed it was a radical conception of freedom for his age. You don't see that in Socrates, Plato or Aristotle.
"Plato saw [Diogenes] washing lettuces, came up to him and quietly said to him, 'Had you paid court to Dionysius, you wouldn't now be washing lettuces,' and that he with equal calmness made answer, 'If you had washed lettuces, you wouldn't have paid court to Dionysius.'" Plato was to mean If Diogenes sucked up to a powerful ruler, like Dionysius of Syracuse, then he'd have the means to live in a real house and not have to scrounge for food in the streets. Diogenes was sleeping in a a "pithos", a large ceramic jar for storing grain or wine. His witty and sharp answer gave Plato a lesson: "accept poverty and you'll be free from these bloody rulers."
Some day, Plato was given a question to solve. The question was how do you define a human in the simplest way possible? Plato was quoted by saying “featherless bipeds” was the simplest way. Theorically anything that was featherless and could walk on two legs was indeed a human. According to Diogenes, not. He took the feather off a chicken and went to Plato academy lecture and boldly said: “ Behold, Plato's man!” After this trolling session, Plato would have to change his answer. instead of “featherless bipeds”, he would have to include “fatherless bipeds with fingernails.”
In another episode, Diogenes was seen begging money from statues. When asked why, he replied, "To get practice in being refused."
Diogenes earn the nickname "the Dog", "kuōn" in Greek. Kunikos or "dog-like." became cynic. Athenians used to insult him by throwing this name on him. But he embraced this name happily. Few people thrown him some bones as they would have done to a dog. His response was unexpected one, he lifted one of his legs and drenched them with his urine.
In some other episode, Alexander the Great found the philosopher looking attentively at a pile of human bones, and asked what he was doing. Diogenes told Alexander: "“I am searching for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave.”
Diogenes spent his life living an ascetic lifestyle. One anecdote reveals that he destroyed his only possession – a wooden bowl – after seeing a peasant boy drinking water from a puddle out of his hands. Diogenes supposedly exclaimed: “Fool that I am, to have been carrying superfluous baggage all this time!” Cynics believed that the main goal of life was "eudaemonia" or mental clarity. This could only be achieved by living in accordance with nature and embracing ascetic practices.
Some day, he was caught by Athenians while he was masturbating publicly in a busy marketplace. When someone approaches him and asks what on earth he’s doing, he replies “I wish it was as easy to relieve hunger by rubbing an empty stomach.” According to the Cynics, living according to nature and not human-created customs (nomos) is the highest form of wisdom. Self-sufficiency (autarkeia) is a vital step towards rejecting society and acquiring true happiness.
No matter we take him as a weird guy with genious absurdity and twisted humour, in fact he was a distorted mirror towards Athenian daily life. Eventhough he didn't have a physical academy, entire city was his school to teach. What did he teach us? “He has the most who is the most content with the least.”
I shall finish with one his final trolling attempt. You remember Alexander simply told that “If I were not Alexander I would wish to be Diogenes” What could our witty philosopher have said on it?
“If I weren’t Diogenes, I’d too also wish to be Diogenes.” Indeed, there is only one of him.
